Update on what’s up…

I have been in quite a fug lately. Feeling lonely, not knowing how the future will pan out, wondering where I am going to live when this lease expires next month, hating winter, being cold and miserable (by my standards anyway!), blah blah blah. Despite how I sound, my life is good, but sometimes I need some help to see it. I made the decision to up my meds and the effect has been good. I was initially reluctant because it has taken me a year to decrease them by half, but needs must and here I am. Feeling less shitty, more hopeful and a lot stronger.

I rode to work this morning in the dark, it was a bit odd but I really needed it for my sanity as well as my physical health, I can tell I am better. I have discovered that I am a fair weather rider and last week was rain, rain, rain. Oh how I missed my bike. Today I am tired but satisfied.

I’m so much better that I actually did some sewing on the weekend, that is how the pills can change me when I am down.

…and let me say felt is a wonderful fabric.

There is so much to recommend it, no fraying, no requirement for oversewing, stability +++, bright colours etc etc.

I made a jacket a few years ago out of some wool/rayon mix felt, initially it was quite stiff but over the years it softened and was lovely to wear.

(burdastyle.com/…/winter-you-give-me-the-blues) , I loved it and wore it to death (literally), it was retired last year when the house sold and oh how I missed it.

The lovely thing about felt to wear is that it is very light (almost weighs nothing) but is very warm and knowing how I loathe winter and being burdened with heavy clothes (layers of them), I thought it was time for another lightweight jacket.

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It is another Lotta Jansdottir Pilvi jacket. Whilst I am not a huge fan of raglan sleeves, this little jacket is so nice to wear and easy to sew up, I thought another wouldn’t hurt. I made it first in denim last year (here). The felt this time is made from viscose and time will tell as to its durability. It feels finer than the wool and I am not sure it was a good choice- we will see…

I’m not sure if this colour is what Americans call Kelly Green, but I am afraid I will resemble a leprechaun when I wear it! You can see I put some contrasting braid on the inside (my daughter thought it was a bit attention-seeking on the outside) which I think is a nice touch, IMG20180610084727.jpg

but I am concerned that it is a bit bland and am now madly looking for a green tatty flower I made a few years ago to pin and make it a little more interesting. If I can’t find it I will just have to make another one.

The wooden button was my daughters choice, I would have gone something bigger and bolder (and may well change this one in the future) as I think it is a bit subtle for this colour and style.

We are a little way off the shortest day and I always feel better when it has passed. I am madly looking at real estate to buy and I have another rental picked out to tide me over in the interim. My lovely son is off to Japan for a holiday after exams and then he is flying the nest to live in student digs on campus- I will miss him as he has matured into a lovely, sensitive young man and my daughter and I are bouncing off each other at the moment (not too badly, but she is somewhat less biddable than I am used to).

The future is looking okay…

 

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Times Past

As I am now single, my mind occasionally wanders to times past, past lovers, past heartaches; this is a little snapshot of “the One”.

They fell in love with alarming speed and ferocity, she eighteen, he nineteen, birthdays separated by days. In fact, he had just been to his own birthday party, put on by friends when they met, he was slightly drunk and feeling very merry.

The attraction was mutual and blinding. When he got up to leave, he tapped her lightly on the head with a rolled-up poster (a present from a friend); he said, “Very nice to meet you” and her heart skipped a beat.

He was a gentleman, although at that stage she did not know he was taken already; an intense holiday romance in England at the end of high school had left him feeling a sense of obligation to another girl who had come from more humble origins.

Back in Australia, things progressed very quickly.

It was a volatile relationship, they loved each other with such intensity.

They never really broke up. The girl from England came out to Perth, they got engaged, he was unhappy but what could he do (?) he had an obligation. They married a few years later, had children, settled down.

She (that is, me) was lousy about it, really, really lousy. He had known and she felt deceived, he had encouraged her knowing there could not be a future. In reality he was a victim too, because he loved her and they couldn’t be together.

That love continues to this day, 37 years later. It is a fantasy, she knows, an indulgence that is foolish.

She occasionally wonders how their lives would have been together, in some “Sliding Doors” scenario. She has a sneaking suspicion they would have not been good together over the long term. He was very aware of the physical comfort in which she lived. Her Father was a hard worker and had provided well for his family. He felt acutely that she was somehow “better” than him, she spoke well and had gone to an elite girls high school, very different from his background.

She is now 55. She does indulge occasionally in checking him out on social media, he still has beautiful eyes and if he posts a new photo of himself, she will have little thoughts like, ‘New glasses, they’re nice” or “those eyebrows need a bit of attention mate”! They have seen each other in passing and they both know “it” is still there.

It was never meant to be.

It’s time for me

Today is Sunday and after a hectic week, it’s my time.

Not going to church, just taking it easy.

Breakfast in bed with a new novel

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and in attempt to find a wrap dress that fits me and also looks good, I am cutting this one out after the fabric has dried from its pre-wash

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The fabric is a light grey cotton knit with random dots that I bought from Spotlight.

It is very warm for Autumn, my daughter is out with friends and my dear son is going to the footy (Aussie Rules), so I will be at home in the peace.

Bliss.

I am a bag lady

Yep, I like bags.

I have a lot of bags, so unless one is an absolute favourite, I tend not to wear them out.

This bag has been in my collection since around 1986, (now that was good value!).

It is leather and I think is a Japanese brand, although branding has never been particularly important to me.

It has served me well and when the lining (some sort of synthetic leather) started disintegrating I wasn’t ready to give it away. To cut a long story short, it sat unused for a couple of years, thrust into the “too hard ” box.

I thought of a narrow leather belt for the strap, but first attempted to replace the strap lining with a thin leather strip. None of my machines were up to it I’m afraid, so that idea was quickly shelved.

Fast forward to a week ago and I am browsing Spotlight when I find a “high tack” double-sided tape. Hmm methinks, that might come in handy…

Unfortunately, the tape was not suitable for what I had in mind, but it got me thinking about this bag…

Voila!

I had this dark paisley quilting cotton in my stash and I sewed up a couple of linings (one with a ‘phone pocket), double-sided tape and Bob’s your uncle, here it is. The strap was also replaced with the interfaced fabric.

A quick polish and I am very happy with this successful redux

🙂

Look at moi (but not too closely)…

I actually made jeans.

Yes jeans.

Okay, so they don’t have a real fly and the front pockets are fake…but I made jeans!

And, they fit…really well.

And I am never tucking tops in ever again, so I don’t care they have an elastic waist.

And the topstitching got better as I did more of it.

Did I say that they fit?

IMG_20180317_151116.jpg  Gosh that mirror is filthy 😦  IMG_20180317_150838.jpg    IMG_20180317_135439.jpg  My daughter commented that ,”They are very flat”; I told her that flat is good when you’re fat!!!

I am chuffed in case you hadn’t picked it.

They are the Blakley Jeans by StyleArc, bought as a pattern and fabric (the denim has 5% elastane) in a size 14. The only modifications were the removal of 5cm off the leg lengths and the faux fly front put onto the male side (like almost all jeans these days).

Oh happy days 🙂

A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum…

Not really, but a funny thing did happen on the weekend.

I went to a party, possibly the first in 10 years! A real party, you know, a band, people dressed in silly green clothes (it was St Patricks Day), substandard finger food and a lot of alcohol.

I have been laid low with a nasty virus and am still recovering, so I ate before I went and confined myself to soda water whilst at the “do”. I went to meet new people, to extend my circle of friends, to see if there are people who might like to get to know me better; I went because I am emerging from the doldrums and wanting to take life by the horns (so to speak).

The funny thing that happened, was that the women I spoke with at the party, melted away when they found out I was in the throes of divorce. Not only that, but they seemed to wander over to their partners and guard them! MjAxMi1mNjRmOGY3ZTdhMmRmNDdh

It didn’t occur to me that this was happening until after I got home and the shame was I thought a couple of them could have been potential friends.

I wanted to shout, “I am not after your husbands and partners Ladies!!!”

My ex is hanging around like a bad smell and I need more complication in my life like a hole in the head! I am not looking for anyone, let alone someone already in a relationship (that has always been a STOP sign for me). I know what it is like to have someone threaten the stability of a relationship, it’s not something I would ever aspire to, men are just not worth it!

When I arrived at work this morning, I discussed this with my work colleague and she said it is common and it definitely happened to her. I think this is quite frankly pretty weird and very sad, are we not better than that???

I would love some comment from people who have experienced this, as the divorced woman, the predatory woman or the wronged woman; I just can’t get my head around it.