..and so the end is near (and other musings)

It’s been a long time, I know…how are you all?

This year has given me a lot of opportunity to reflect on my past and contemplate my future, I try to do more of the latter because looking back leads to bitterness and regret and what is the point of that?

I guess I can consider myself a single woman now, although that is only just dawning on me. Thirty years is a long time to be with someone, to be in a couple, to be considered as “Jenn and Tony” instead of just “Jenn”; it is going to take some getting used to. I am not divorced yet, but all the legal financial stuff is completed and submitted, it took me some months to get to this point as I was hoping to get by without having to go down the legal route and the truth is, we have done this amicably and just done what is legally required, so no lawyers were involved; still, it took me a while to get to the point of wanting to do it.

The house is still on the market. No prizes to anyone who puts it down to a cautious buyers market, it is what it is, just a waiting game now. What it means though, is that we will still be in the the family home for Christmas and there is a part of me that wishes I was in my own place with just the children (and my extended family for the day), I don’t want to be having an awkward Christmas Day with my estranged husband, because, yes- we are still living in the same house together 😦

Contemplating the future, I am scared and excited in equal measure. For months I have thought I don’t ever want another relationship again, but time has mellowed my view. That is not to say I will be embarking on anything anytime soon, but I would be open to suggestion if the right person made it. I am however not being unrealistic here, I am not expecting anything much. Ageing apparently should be embraced and I am feeling good; I scrub up pretty well and I wear nice clothes; however I am not convinced that men my age have the same priorities, a well-groomed, fit-looking bloke will turn my head and unfortunately most of them seem to be quite a bit younger than me!!! So I think that “Singlehood” will be my future and that’s okay.

I sound vacuous I know. I know that attraction is so much more than looks and if the truth be told, I have never found conventionally handsome men attractive. I like quirkiness, a quick wit, an interest in lifelong learning and a need for new knowledge, a love of art, of the environment, of clean living, of silence… and the list goes on, I’m not fussy am I?!

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6 thoughts on “..and so the end is near (and other musings)

  1. Congratulations, and solidarity! I was in your position some years ago, although my split was more acrimonious, and, in the end, very drawn out. I went through the soul-searching and self-analysis, assuming in the end that I’d be lucky to get the odd fling, let alone anything permanent. My daughter decided to make me a list of what SHE thought I needed, which was the source of much hilarity and good natured banter [I highly recommend this, as long as you don’t take their views to heart!]
    As it turned out, I’d found the love of my life way before the divorce ever ended, we’re now blissfully happy, and life is very, very good. I never thought I’d end up with the girl next door!
    I’ve actually walked past my ex-of-30-years and not recognised him, which is a very strange feeling. Life is long, embrace it. There will be more love.

  2. Well done on getting to this point, and keep going because you will find peace and happiness. I was in my thirties when I went through this but even then I didn’t think I would find a true soul mate, only to discover that I worked with him (but didn’t like him much, haha) and we’ve had two kids and a marvellous life. Have I said all this before? Perhaps. Anyway, have a wonderful Christmas and I hope the house sells soon so you can move on to the next phase.

  3. Second time was the charm for me. And don’t discount someone younger. My hubbie is 5 years my junior but the most mature, kind and intelligent man I’ve ever met.

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