Random thoughts after wasting a day…

Today I spent hours watching Youtube videos of people using camping washing machines…why?

My dearest friend is in a lot of emotional pain which she is fighting with shopping and having the most hectic social life imaginable. Being dumped at 58 somehow has killed a tiny part of her soul, my heart aches for her.

I thought my Covid vaccine was no biggie. I thought I would be in the majority for whom it is nothing much…instead I experienced a severe and sudden headache that made me want to rip my brains out and forced me to cut a night out with friends very short. The accompanying nausea I can tolerate, but I don’t get headaches often and this was awful. At least I will be prepared for the second injection in 12 weeks time.

I had forgotten how “un” maternal my Mother was. Mum is living with me and it has been quite an experience, sometimes not great tbh. She gets cranky and I get short with her, I think I am turning into her. When I injured myself pushing her in her wheelchair, she got annoyed with me when I stopped and gave a quiet yowl of pain. I asked her why she didn’t even ask what had happened and instead just got cross, she seemed genuinely nonplussed, but still uninterested in me. I checked with my daughter if I was turning into her Grandmother and she told me no. She has been quite amazed at how quickly her Grandma can give a negative response, even if opinion is not asked for.

I miss being cared for, although, if truth be told, I think I spent more time caring for my husband, than he spent caring for me.

Maybe, I should say, I miss being cared about.

I would like to be nurtured and loved, a hug would be nice… is 58 too old to think these thoughts?